Family of Four (4)

I have been out of the blogosphere for a bit, but have wanted to get my thoughts down for a while!! I decided to just put it on hold in order to be present with my babies during these first few weeks and most nap times I use for a nap myself! Right now both kiddos are sleeping and I decided to go ahead and blog instead of nap for once :) I have so much I want to blog about…Christmas, Dayton's birth, the first few weeks home, the snow day, our 5 year anniversary, etc., but instead this time I will just blog about how much I am enjoying my family of 4! I will hit the high points and save the pictures for later!

I will start with the beginning…

We got home from the hospital on December 22nd around 3pm and Sawyer was still with Mimi & Poppy. They brought her to our house around 5pm and I was prepared to give her lots of love and attention because she had started missing me and home pretty badly. She had stayed the night with my mom & grandma on Tuesday before Dayton was born so that I could go to a Mavericks game with Casey & some youth kids and it turned out that she was away from me for 5 days in a row because of the timing of Dayton's birthday. So, all that to say, she was missing her momma!  When she arrived at our house I had just finished nursing Dayton and given him to Casey so that I could meet her at the door! She was pretty clingy at first, but then spotted the balloon that Casey's parents had brought to the hospital for Dayton and that kept her interest for a long while. :) That night was our first night at home with 2 children and it wasn't bad at all! Sawyer was pretty good and went to bed around 8pm and Dayton was the easiest baby EVER for his 1st week at home. My goodness, he never hardly whimpered! I had to and still sometimes have to wake him up to eat. I think God blessed us with that because He knew I would be super overwhelmed my first week with 2 babies, and a crying baby would have added to that for sure.

We went to the Christmas Eve service at c|Life on the 24th at 6pm and everything was good until after the service and I started feeling awful. For some reason that's when my hormones decided to attack me and I cried on the way home from church. Casey probably thought I had lost my mind. I was just feeling tired and exhausted and (maybe TMI) my milk had come in and it HURT. I was also thinking about all that I needed to do that night - lay out presents from Santa, take pictures of the kids in their Christmas pjs, get ready for the BIG day of travel the next day (we went to 3 different houses--not including our own--for Christmas with a 5 day old baby!!). I was just stressed. And hormonal. Ha! I calmed down though and that evening was enjoyable after I got a little bit done.

Christmas morning was SO much fun for me! I can really see how Christmas as a parent is so much better than Christmas as a kid. We got up, got a little bit ready, got Dayton, went into Sawyer's room, and woke her up! Then we all went into the living room to see what Santa had brought Sawyer & Dayton! I loved this. So fun. We then opened our stockings and opened presents to and from each other. Sawyer really got into it and I already look forward to next year with her being even more aware and Dayton starting to understand, too. Next year I plan to do a little Advent calendar with Sawyer and be really purposeful with explaining Jesus' birth to her, etc. We will probably spend a little longer at home in the coming Christmases before traveling around, too.

After we got ready and left we went to Casey's parents' house and opened presents & stockings with them and the cousins (Sawyer & Dayton have 3 cousins: Caleb (6), and twins Sadie & Luke (almost 2) which is fun!). Afterwards we went to Casey's grandmother's house for lunch Beverly's entire side!

After that we traveled to Mabank to my mom's side where we have Christmas with Momma Sheila & Pappa Donnie. I have done this on Christmas afternoon since I was a little girl and it was always what I looked forward to most. At around 4pm I started to feel really sick and wanted to leave. I got aches and a sore throat and headache and it hit me SUPER fast & REALLY hard. I mean, I felt awful! Plus, the snow was coming so we packed up and headed out earlier than planned. We drove home to a white house and backyard! I still felt pretty awful and stayed sick for about a week. Not fun with a newborn and toddler to take care of. :(

The next day was Dayton's first doctor's appointment! Usually that is done at the 4 day mark, but since he was 4 days old on Christmas Eve, we had to wait until the 26th (6 days old). We got there and had to wait a while because a lot of the staff was late due to the ice & snow! Dayton has the same doctor as Sawyer - Dr. Pfleiger, and we LOVE him. He is so good with kids and so good with explaining things to me. Unfortunately, at this appointment we found out that Dayton was already sick and had a DOUBLE ear infection. It was all I could do to hold myself together in that appointment. I could not believe it. I still can't. How did my baby get sick already?! Well, it was likely me or Sawyer. Sawyer had been coughing with a runny nose for about a week and I had started feeling sick the day before. Also, lots of people held Dayton on Christmas that were coughing and sneezing and all of that. I felt like an awful mom. Ugh. I had all of these hopes for the day of us playing in the snow with Sawyer and having a great family day and then they told me Dayton was sick and BAM - here came the hormones again. Casey dropped me off at home with both children to go get Dayton's medicine and he came home to me crying in the same spot he had left me. I was a wreck. I cried on and off that whole day. I even called my mom crying. I was so upset and couldn't get myself together. Casey was great - he took care of Sawyer COMPLETELY and let me tend to Dayton. I just felt like I needed to hold him constantly and felt awful that he could be in pain. We did buy Sawyer some boots that day so that she could play in the snow and she absolutely loved it. We were kind of shocked how much she liked it. She loves outside, so we shouldn't have been that surprised I guess.

The next few days I got a little better and started feeling a little more normal. I may have cried once or twice - I can't really remember. :) Lucky for me, Casey was off from work December 21st-January 2nd and he was SUPER MAN - for real. He worked so hard to take care of Sawyer and make me feel comfortable and also help with Dayton during the night. I could not have done it without him! Super husband/Super dad of the year! :)

December 29th was our 5 year anniversary and we always make it extra special by taking a small trip, but obviously that wasn't going to happen this year. Casey's parents came over and watched Sawyer while we went to Cheesecake Factory (and Dayton tagged along, too, but never even woke up really, haha)! We had a lot of fun and always love going there and getting dinner and our favorite cheesecake and I love their cafe mocha!! YUM!

Throughout these last 3 weeks people from church have been bringing us amazing dinners as well! I have not had to cook at all and we have had plenty of leftovers, too! Thanks to Ginni for putting together our care calendar in order to make this happen! We have loved all the food!!!

New Years Eve was chill and we spent the first half of the evening with the Rickersons (who brought us salad, lasagna, and chocolate cake!) and then we went to bed early ;) Dayton didn't make it awake for his first new years and that is fine with me! :)

Casey went back to work on January 3rd and I was so nervous about it! I didn't know how I would get through the day without him, but it wasn't so bad! I didn't leave the house, but both kids were fed, dressed, loved on, and played with and we all survived! Since then I already feel like I am getting better at this 2 kid thing and even ventured out by myself--in the pouring rain--to Chick-fil-A for a play date! I was ready to have Sawyer get out and play and she had fun playing on the playground (for the 1st time without me!) with Lola! She says her name and it comes out like "Elmo" or "Ella," haha.

That has been the last 3 weeks in a nutshell! I cannot believe that tomorrow Dayton will be 3 weeks old. Time has seriously flown by. Oh, and by the way, both of my children were born on a Thursday! Fun!

A lot more has been on my mind with this baby…we have plans to adopt our 3rd and make that our final addition, so we are pretty sure that this is our last biological baby (I say pretty sure because I hate to say for sure when I know God is in control of our lives - not us;) and that makes it seem a LOT different for me. I was in love with and infatuated with Sawyer, but because she was my first baby I also worried about her a lot more. I didn't just enjoy it the way I am now. I held her and "oohed" and "aahed" over her, but I didn't just sit and hold her for hours on end with only her on my mind.

I do that with Dayton. I am extremely aware of how fast he is growing and how fleeting this newborn stage is. I was so sleep-deprived with Sawyer…she needed to eat like every 1.5-2 hours around the clock and didn't sleep for 7 hours straight until she was 4 months old. Like I said earlier, I wake Dayton up to feed him and I am still not getting a lot of sleep, but I am somehow feeling better than I did when Sawyer was a newborn. Sawyer was tiny forever and took her a couple of months to get as big as Dayton is now…she wore many of her newborn clothes until she was 3 or 4 months old! Dayton is already growing out of his!! I am just so much more conscientious that this is most likely my last little baby. My last chance to enjoy this tiny stage. I am cherishing it. I love it. I wouldn't trade it for sleep or my pre-pregnant body. No way.

Casey and I both talk about how Dayton already seems SO sweet. He & Sawyer are total opposite babies. She was sort of feisty and sassy from the get-go and even though we thought she was an easy baby, she definitely cried a lot more and let us know when something was not the way she wanted! She was never much of a cuddler and now prefers to be up and doing and entertaining us! She cracks us up!! Dayton definitely prefers to be held and picking him up soothes him right away and completely. He just seems like he is going to be laid back and chill and sweet. I wonder if he will be? I thought Sawyer would be a chatterbox almost immediately and she is (when we are at home at least). I wonder if you can tell a baby's personality just a little bit this early? We will see if I am right. :)

I love them both so much and in total different ways and also in the same way. It's complex and new and I like it. I really really like having a boy and a girl. I didn't ever think I would like having a boy, but boy was I wrong! ;) It's strange because newborns are all the same right? I mean you have to look inside their diaper to see their gender and what you're working with anyway, right? Wrong. I can tell he is a boy and there is a different connection with him because of it. Casey & I put it this way… Sawyer will always be Casey's little girl…and when she grows up it will be more like she is my friend and someone I talk to daily. Dayton will always be my little boy…and when she grows up it will be more like he is Casey's buddy and someone he enjoys doing "man stuff" with. It's like the opposite gender pulls on your heart strings in a different way, but the same gender grows up to be one of your closest friends. Does that make sense? Does anyone else feel that way or agree? They are unique and special in different ways. I love it! I am an only child so this whole 2 kids thing was kind of scary to me. Will I love him as much? Will one feel favored? I don't really worry about these things now because I already know that I love them equally, but just totally differently. We will both work on making them feel special and unique in their relationships with both of us. One-on-one time with both and family time with all. I can't wait! (But I also want time to stand still for a little bit first;)

Anyway, all that to say, I am loving being a momma of 2 precious babies. They are both huge blessings from God that I pray I will never take for granted. My husband is also awesome. Having a second baby made me see him in a new light as well. He is good to me. :) Love you, babe.

:::Going from ONE to TWO:::

These last few days I have just been feeling like soaking Sawyer up as much as possible. I am super excited about Dayton being born and think she is going to love him (maybe after a little time:) and be a great big sister. However, there are definitely moments where I think "aw, she won't remember when it was just the 2 of us at home" (me staying at home with her - obviously I know there are 3 people in our family :) and I think of that, too. "Aw, she won't remember bed time with just me & Casey doting all over her with no one else to care for.") I know she will always have that special first born child thing going on, but I'm also not a fan of sibling rivalry or anyone feeling they are the favorite (unless they all feel that way;) so I know I am going to try to super hard to give all of my children each their own momma time and momma/daddy time--and also build them up with their individual, unique characteristics and gifts. I do think maybe we are at an advantage right now with having a boy and a girl so that they are so different that they don't feel as much competition, but at the same time I am so worried about one feeling like the other is favored. Maybe this is because I am an only child?? I just want all of my children to think we love and adore them SO much and not worry about how much we love the others, etc. I think we're going to end up with 3 kids (adopting the 3rd is in our near plans) and I know that automatically outnumbers us. Because of that I think there has to be extra diligence taken.

Oh my, the worries of motherhood. I'm just glad my motherhood worries consist of how much love everyone is going to get and not how I'm going to feed my babies or worries about health issues and finances. We are so blessed and I cannot wait to bring Dayton into this world. Until then, I am SOAKING SAWYER UP. She is SO much fun and I am LOVING this stage. She has no idea how much she is loved and I pray that she always feels it. We already have ideas and plans to keep her feeling the love after Dayton arrives.

I have been reading her books about having a little brother, telling her the she is having a little brother, and I got her so many little doll accessories for Christmas that coincide with Dayton's stuff…like a little doll car seat/carrier to carry around her own baby, a little backpack type thing (like a baby bjorn) to carry around her baby when she sees me carry Dayton in a sling, doll diapers and a little doll diaper bag with a pacifier, comb, and car keys. My grandma also got her a little doll cradle. I think she is going to love it all and love doing things with her baby as I do things with Dayton. :) Not sure how she'll mimic or know what to do about the breastfeeding part, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, haha! :) We also already talked about Casey taking her to get breakfast once or twice a month - just him and her. And I know that she and I will have to take advantage of brother's many naps. I will have to get creative with some not-too-noisy activities for us to do. I already know that she LOVES drawing so I got her a coloring book that uses water - I know she'll like that. We also got her a magna doodle that has a pen to draw. She seriously LOVES drawing. It's cute :)

Anyway, I am excited AND nervous about being a mother of two - but I know it is going to be so much fun (especially after we get both kids sleeping through the night… for Sawyer that was hit or miss from 4-6 months old and then really good at 7 months. Maybe Dayton will be a little better) ;) Once he can interact with her more I know things are going to get really good. She already loves babies (real or fake) and I think she will adore her little bro. I know having a second baby is whole new territory for every mom, but it is even more so for me because I am an only child!! What is it like to have a brother or a sister?! I have no idea. PLUS, to have them within 20 months of each other!!! They are only going to be 2 grades apart (senior and sophomore) and less than 2 years apart! So weird. I am excited though! I have always wanted a "big" family and to me, having more than 1 child already feels like a big family! I am loving the thought of it. :) Yay! For Casey this is old news I guess. He was kind of in Dayton's shoes… he has a big sister who is 3 years old than him and 3 grades apart (senior and freshman) so it was a little more spread out, but he still knows what it was like to have an older sister!

Anyway, thanks for "listening" to my ramblings. I just thought I should blog about it so I don't forget these thoughts later. I know life is so fleeting and time is flying by. I don't want to forget how I feel in these last few days/weeks leading up to having my second born child -- the first born boy! Yay Dayton, we are excited to meet you! We love you already :)

School/Work + being a SAHM

Today marks the beginning of my 2nd year as a stay-at-home mom! Let me take this moment to say how blessed I feel to have been able to do this for an entire year. God's provision has been more than enough in our lives and it still astounds us that we God has been able to stretch our money the way that He has! Looking back 16 months ago, this was not an option. But somehow, miraculously (I think), it has worked! We cut our income in half--literally--and have not been made to feel "without" or even "poor." Sure, we probably would have moved to a bigger house, bought some new "stuff," or maybe gone on an all-inclusive vacation somewhere, but we don't need to do those things and we certainly wouldn't trade them for this opportunity to have Sawyer and baby #2 at home with me. So, after all that, I'm just saying, that we feel lucky and also thankful to God for somehow helping us out when we had little faith, in the beginning, that it would work. :) God is good!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To a lot of people I've never actually been just a stay-at-home mom, but in my book you're a SAHM if you take care of your kid(s) basically 24/7 even if you have a "job"… like a position at a Mother's Day Out (MDO), or babysitting someone else's kids, or even substitute teaching just one or two days a week--and I've done all of those in my first year of being a SAHM. However, Sawyer was never in the care of anyone but myself, Casey, or grandparents (occasionally), so I think that's pretty much the definition of a SAHM. :)  In the beginning I was working at MDO and subbing on Fridays. Then, I got a job babysitting twin boys 2 days a week, but continued to work at the MDO as well. In the summers MDO isn't open so I kept just 1 little boy (Braden) 2 days a week. Obviously my "jobs" ebbed and flowed a lot during the first year, but they were enough to help pay for my graduate school tuition.

Here are the changes for the upcoming year:

This fall I am going to keep Braden 2 days a week in my home, have class 2 nights a week, meet with my supervisory 1 hour a week, do my school internship on Fridays, and have a women's Bible study for 7 weeks! Whew!
Here is what my schedule will look like during the week:

• Monday - meet every week with my internship supervisor to go over tapes 11:15-12:15 in Mesquite - other than that I'm off work/school, but I schedule all of mine and Sawyer's doctor's appointments on this day and you would not believe how many of those there are - I go every month for baby check up and between Sawyer's regular check ups at the pediatrician + her ENT to check on tubes, she goes about once a month as well! Crazy!
• Tuesday - off work/school, 7-week Women's Bible Study held in Rockwall (I am really looking forward to this!)
• Wednesday - keep Braden 9:00-3:30, class 4:30-7:10
• Thursday - keep Braden 9:00-3:30, class 4:30-7:10 (this class just meets 5 weeks in October)
• Friday - internship in the behavioral health unit at a hospital in Greenville 8:30-4:30 while Casey watches Sawyer
• Saturday - off with Casey; family day!
• Sunday - church, homework, nap :)

I am really looking forward to being in a routine this fall even though it is going to be a very busy semester! I am taking 6 hours of school (plus the 8 hr weekly internship), keeping Braden 13 hours a week (I also pick him up and take him back so that's an extra hour each day, so you could say 15 hours a week), and also taking care of Sawyer full time! I will be one busy momma for sure. I am not sure what I would do if I didn't have school or keep an extra kid. I know I would find stuff to fill my time, but after having done all of this for the beginning of being a SAHM I think I will love doing nothing in the spring!! Ha! I'll have a newborn then, so I'm sure it will feel like more work, anyway. :) 

Oh, I guess I didn't mention that… I am taking the Spring semester off from school and taking 6 weeks off from keeping Braden. So, for 6 weeks it's just me and my 2 kiddos. Then, after 6 weeks I'll go back to keeping Braden until May. No classes or internship.

In June I will start my "full time internship" (that's what it's called, but it's actually a minimum requirement of 20 hours a week). So, from June-December I will be taking a full load of classes, and in addition to that, I will be interning somewhere 20 hours a week for those entire 7 months. I will not keep any kids during that time, in fact, I will have to find someone to keep my own kids for those 20 hours a week during those 7 months. Then, BAM! December gets here and I'm finally going to graduate with my Masters of Education in Counseling! Woohoo! It feels like it's all right around the corner now that I know what semesters I'm doing what classes, etc.

As far as the spring of 2014 goes... I will try to find a part time counseling job (somewhere like Lake Pointe or Sunnyvale's Life Builders would be ideal) where I can gain my 3,000 hours (paid hours, thank goodness!) before taking my test to get my LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) licensure. Until then I will be an LPC-I (LPC intern). After I get my license as an LPC I hope to start working "with my mom" "on my own" (meaning my own private practice, but at my mom's practice;).

So there's my next few years in a nut shell folks! Obviously God could change our plans or something drastic could happen and things would change, but for now, those are the "plans." They are written in sand, not in stone. :)