Lots of Bitter, and Lots of Sweet

This has been a trying and unsettling two weeks in the Coats' Household. Bittersweet for sure.

We are not use to jumping out of our comfort zone on faith and uncertainty. I can definitely say that we have been all too comfortable the last three and a half years of our marriage. (I am mainly speaking about finances…have you ever been to Guatemala?! I mean, seriously, we're all too comfortable).

After much time with the Lord and with our budget, Casey and I have decided that I am going to stay home this school year.

It has not been an easy decision, I assure you.

When I first got pregnant we sat down with our budget and decided that the huge numbers staring us in the face did not match up with me staying at home. Casey's income plus our bills equaled scary, negative, red numbers. That was the end of that, and I told everyone at school that I would for sure be coming back to work in August unless we won the lottery (which we do not play).

After Sawyer was born we took another look at the budget because the thought of going back to work was too sad. I'm not sure what we were thinking had changed…except lots and lots of hospital and NICU bills that kept coming in each day...

July 1st hit, and I basically woke up crying. Was it really already JULY?! Did I really have to leave my sweet baby in another person's home (albeit a really nice person with a really nice home) while I worked 5 days a week? It's just not fair! I might miss her first words, her first steps, lots and lots of sweet smiles and giggles. Surely I would miss important stuff.

Now, I am not the type to say that putting your child in childcare is wrong and would dare not call it "someone else raising your child." I think that is one of the most hurtful things you can say to a mother. If moms didn't work there wouldn't be many wonderful women to teach. I know too many excellent working mothers to say such a thing like that, and I, myself, have plans to go back to teaching someday in the near future.

Fast forward to mid-July….

Sweet Part: Last week I got hired on as a teacher at Mimosa Lane's Playschool (the church Casey grew up in and where we met). I will get to be in the baby room with my sweet Sawyer for her first year of life. Does the Lord provide or what?! Everyone keeps telling me that He honors moms and I already feel that to be true! The position is for Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8:30-2:30 with actual playschool from 9-2. I plan to sub on Fridays in Rockwall and Forney (Casey's day off).

Bitter Part: Today I went to school and told my principal and staff that I would not be coming back as a teacher this school year. I couldn't get the words out without crying because I am so so sad to be leaving Smith. It has been a huge blessing the past 3 years. I could not have asked for a more kind and understanding principal. I LOVE my team and other friends that I have made there. I will miss them greatly!

2nd Bitter Part: Money is going to be tight and we have already cut cable, and lots of other "extras" in order to make this happen. This is not going to be without sacrifice. We are use to buying nice gifts, going on an expensive vacation every year, eating out several times a week, seeing several movies a month, going on an anniversary getaway every year, and buying nice clothes. This is all going to change. We have basically cut out all vacations, getaways, restaurants, movies, clothes, and gifts (except for some at Christmas)! It is going to be financially difficult, but this is something that we felt called to do. We are praying that the Lord will provide for us and bless our decision for me to stay at home/work part time.

2nd Sweet Part: I get to stay with Sawyer this school year! I get to take her to work with me! I get to have her at home with me! I get to teach her, watch her grow, and make her laugh at all times of the day! I won't feel guilty working long hours at school or have to ask Casey to pick her up on his way home. I won't have to worry about being exhausted all week because of one sleepless, teething night. I get to sub on Fridays knowing that Sawyer is having a blast with her daddy at home (his day off)!

I am overjoyed that we are going to sacrifice on behalf of our daughter. I know it will be worth it.